The Old Fashioned Way
Break Room Small Talk - Monday, March 23, 2026
Ahhhhh. Monday mornings. The sun shines bright, your coffee is hot, and the whole week is ahead of you. Is there any better feeling?
At least that’s the outlook here at Break Room Small Talk headquarters, where we’re basking in the aftermath of 48 college basketball games over the last four days.
The look on your face says you may not match our eagerness this morning (but can we say, your skin is GLOWING). However, fear not! Our very purpose in your inbox is to cover your blind spots and equip you with the quips needed to navigate this morning at the office or whatever other space you’re presently inhabiting1. In a minute, we’ll dive into five storylines that defined the weekend and will shape the small talk you make today with Mark from Accounting.
First, a quick aside. On Sunday night, (2) UConn defeated (7) UCLA, 73-57. The Huskies were led by senior forward Alex Karaban, who scored a career-high 27 points. Karaban is something of a novelty in today’s college basketball: a successful four-year starter at a single school. He was an integral part of the UConn teams that won back-to-back National Championships his freshman and sophomore seasons, and chose to put off a professional career each of the last two years in order to pursue a third college title.
College rosters today are filled with transfer players and freshman standouts, renting their university’s threads for a short time, before moving on to their next mutually beneficial partnership. The players can’t be faulted, as it is merely a reflection of the current set of rules governing the game. That said, it makes Karaban’s career, and particularly his success, stand out in a unique manner for being at once familiar and increasingly uncommon.
Okay, enough of that! Let’s get to the good stuff:
1. Shakespeare in the Park
The first stanza of Sonnet 18 reads:
Shall I compare thee to a Summers day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:2
The Gregorian calendar was just a decade old when Bill Shakespeare wrote these words, so we won’t fault him for focusing on the wrong month. Because boy did Dylan Darling and his (5) St. John’s buds shake up March with a 67-65 win over (4) Kansas. Darling scored his lone two points of the game on a last-second layup that hath extended the Johnnies spring run at least one more weekend.
Next up for the Red Storm and coaching legend Rick Pitino is a Sweet 16 matchup against (1) Duke on Friday.
Say something like: “All the world’s a stage, and Rick Pitino and St. John’s are looking like key players.”
2. In a While, Crocodile
The high brow poets can’t have all the fun. (9) Iowa pulled off the biggest upset of the tournament’s opening weekend, saying “see you later” to the defending-champion Gators of (1) Florida. Hawkeyes forward (and Billy McFarland3 lookalike) Alvaro Folgueiras sunk the go-ahead three-pointer for Iowa with 4.5 seconds to play, sending Florida’s title defense sputtering back to the swamp before it ever really got going.
The game-winner capped an eventful night for the 6-10 junior forward, who earlier in the game got caught up in a tussle with a Florida player. Tavion Banks led Iowa with 20 points and six rebounds, while Folgueiras finished with 14 points off the bench.
Say something like: “Alvaro Folgueiras’ fist might not have connected with Florida’s Alex Condon, but he for sure punched Iowa’s ticket to the Sweet 16.”
3. BIG Deal
With Iowa advancing Sunday night, the Big Ten Conference secured six of the 16 spots in the next round of the tournament. The Hawkeyes join (1) Michigan, (2) Purdue, (3) Michigan State, (3) Illinois, and (4) Nebraska, which ended an 87-year drought and won its first two NCAA Tournament games ever over the weekend.
The Big Ten’s six teams in the Sweet 16 ties the mark for the second-most teams ever from one conference. The high mark for most representation from a single conference occurred last year when the SEC sent seven teams.
Say something like: “The Big Ten sending six teams to the Sweet 16 sounds a lot more impressive until you realize the conference has 18 member schools.”4
4. Don’t Mess With Texas
Over the weekend, the Men’s and Women’s teams from University of Texas took two different paths to the same place.
On Sunday, Madison Booker led the (1) Texas women to a 100-58 win over (8) Oregon, propelling the Longhorns to their third straight Sweet 16. Booker was dominant in the outing, finishing with 40 points, eight rebounds and five assists.
The (11) Texas men, meanwhile, continued their improbable March run by beating (3) Gonzaga in the second round on Saturday. This followed a win over (6) BYU in the Round of 64 on Thursday, after having to beat NC State last Tuesday just to make the tournament.
Though they have the lowest seed of any team left in the men’s bracket, you can hardly call the Longhorns a Cinderella story. Texas boasts the nation’s wealthiest athletic program, so for the slipper to fit, it better be Gucci.
Say something like: “Maddie Booker and Texas pose the biggest threat to UConn in the women’s tournament. Hook ‘em.”
5. Almost Famous
While the Sweet 16 lacks a true Cinderella, a few teams tried their best to give us one. None came closer than (12) High Point, who knocked off (5) Wisconsin, 83-82, in the opening round.
Guard Rob Martin led the way with 23 points and 10 assists, but it was super senior5 Chase Johnston who served up the late-game heroics for the Panthers. High Point trailed Wisconsin by eight points with 5 minutes left to play before Johnston hit a three-pointer from 33 feet out to make it a five-point game. Johnston drilled two more triples in the final three minutes to make it a one-point game with a minute remaining. Then, with 11 seconds left in the game, Johnston made a game-winning layup that, incredibly, was the first two-point basket he scored all season.
In the second round, High Point hung close with (4) Arkansas, but ultimately fell short, 94-88. Rob Martin once again paced the Panthers with 30 points and five assists, but Arkansas freshman guard Darius Acuff Jr. outgunned him, finishing with 36 points to lead the Razorbacks to the Sweet 16.
Say something like: “A 26-year-old shooting specialist wearing #99 making a game-winning layup that is his first 2-pt field goal of the year is the most March Madness thing imaginable.”
Shout out to our newly retired and resigned readers
Special shoutout to our no fewer than three readers with English degrees
Yes, of Fyre Fest fame
“Big 18” lacks brand cachet
This man started college in 2019